The Method Behind Every Program
What is the Grief Recovery Method?
An evidence-based, action-oriented approach to working through loss — developed by the Grief Recovery Institute and used in every program at Restoring Hearts Outreach. The method that gives every visitor on this site something to actually do about their grief, not just talk about it.
The Premise
Most of us were never taught how to grieve.
“Grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss of any kind. The problem is that we’ve been taught to believe that these feelings are abnormal and unnatural.”
— The Grief Recovery Handbook
The Grief Recovery Method begins with a simple but radical observation: most of us were never taught how to grieve. We were taught how to bury, distract, replace, and "stay strong" — but not how to actually move through the pain of loss.
The method, developed by John W. James and Russell Friedman over four decades at the Grief Recovery Institute, replaces those well-meaning but unhelpful coping habits with a structured set of actions. Action by action, week by week, you complete the relationship with what was lost — and the grief stops carrying you and starts moving with you.
It’s not therapy. It’s not group counseling. It’s a curriculum — with homework — that does the work most therapy doesn’t structure for you.
What We Were Taught
Six myths about grief
The Grief Recovery Method begins by naming the well-meaning but unhelpful things we’ve been taught — then gives you something to do instead.
The myth
“Time heals all wounds.”
What the method says
It doesn’t. Time alone changes nothing. What heals is the action you take — with or without time. Many people carry the same grief at year ten that they carried at year one.
The myth
“Replace the loss.”
What the method says
Get a new pet. Find a new partner. Get back to work. Replacement skips the work of completing what was lost — and leaves the grief intact, often piled on top of the next relationship.
The myth
“Grieve alone.”
What the method says
Grief in isolation rarely heals. We’re social beings. The method is structured around guided action with a witness — a partner, a group, or Holly herself — because that’s where the work actually happens.
The myth
“Be strong (for others).”
What the method says
Performing strength for the people around us postpones our own grief indefinitely. The method makes space to be honest about what you actually feel, then act on it.
The myth
“Bury your feelings.”
What the method says
Buried feelings don’t disappear — they leak. They show up as anxiety, fatigue, irritability, addictive patterns, and the inability to fully connect with the people still in your life.
The myth
“Just keep busy.”
What the method says
Busy is the most socially acceptable way to avoid grief. Productivity covers the pain without resolving it — and the moment you stop moving, the grief is right where you left it.
How the Method Works
Five core steps
Every program at Restoring Hearts Outreach walks you through this same arc. Holly is the guide, the curriculum is the path, and the work is yours.
Loss History Graph
You map every significant loss across your lifetime — deaths, divorces, moves, job changes, lost trust, lost faith, lost health. The graph shows you the pattern of how loss has shaped you long before any single event.
Choose a relationship to work on
You pick one significant relationship — usually the one carrying the most unfinished business — and walk through it in detail with Holly’s structured guidance.
Relationship Review
You build a timeline of that relationship: turning points, gifts, regrets, things left unsaid, apologies you wanted, forgiveness you needed to give. The review surfaces what’s actually unfinished — not what you assumed was.
Completion Letter
You write a final letter to the relationship, putting words to apologies, forgiveness, and significant emotional statements. Then you read it aloud, with Holly as your witness. This is where most of the actual healing happens.
Completion, not closure
The goal isn’t to "get over it" — it’s to complete the relationship: integrate the loss honestly into your life so the grief stops running you. Closure shuts a door. Completion lets you carry the love forward without the weight.
Over 40 Types
What the method addresses
Loss isn’t only death. The method works for any of these, alone or in combination.
A Common Question
How is this different from therapy?
The Grief Recovery Method
- Education + action. A structured curriculum with weekly assignments.
- Time-limited. Most participants complete the core work in eight weeks.
- Specific to grief. Built for loss of any kind, addressed directly.
- Group or one-on-one. Confidentiality is core; sharing is invited but never forced.
- Led by a Certified Specialist. Holly is trained and licensed by the Grief Recovery Institute.
Traditional therapy
- Open-ended conversation. Sessions explore feelings, history, and patterns.
- Indefinite duration. Many people work with a therapist for months or years.
- Broad scope. Anxiety, depression, trauma, relationships, identity — anything.
- Usually one-on-one. With a licensed clinician.
- Led by a licensed therapist. With a different scope of practice.
The two complement each other well. Many participants do both. Holly will tell you honestly when she thinks therapy is the better starting point.
Where it comes from
The Grief Recovery Institute
The method was developed by John W. James and Russell Friedman over decades of work with grieving people, beginning in the 1980s. Their flagship book, The Grief Recovery Handbook, has helped millions of readers find a structured path through loss.
Today the institute is led by John’s son, Cole James, and trains and certifies Grief Recovery Specialists around the world — of which Holly is one.
Restoring Hearts Outreach is licensed to teach the Grief Recovery Method® in Central Florida. We follow the institute’s curriculum and standards in every program.
Visit the Grief Recovery Institute →Grief Recovery Method® is a registered trademark of the Grief Recovery Institute Educational Foundation, Inc.
The Core Text
The Grief Recovery Handbook
Every group and one-on-one program walks alongside this book — the institute’s flagship text. Each week’s session corresponds to a chapter, and the homework comes from the exercises within.
You don’t need to read it before contacting Holly. Once you’re enrolled, she’ll point you to where to get a copy and which edition to look for.
View the book on Amazon →From the Handbook
Core Principles
Incomplete grief can have lifelong negative effects.
The Grief Recovery HandbookGrief is individual and uniquely experienced by each person.
The Grief Recovery HandbookTime alone does not heal emotional pain.
The Grief Recovery HandbookCommon Questions
About the method
Is the Grief Recovery Method evidence-based?
Yes. The Grief Recovery Method has been recognized as an evidence-based program by the National Registry of Evidence-based Programs and Practices (NREPP) and is used in hospices, schools, and counseling settings nationally. Independent research has documented measurable reductions in grief-related distress for participants who complete the program.
Is this religious or faith-based?
No. The method is secular and welcomes participants of any belief or none. We do partner with churches who want to host cohorts, but the curriculum itself is not faith-based.
Do I have to read the book before I start?
No. The book is the curriculum once you’re enrolled, but you don’t need to start it before reaching out. Holly will guide you to the right edition and pace once you’re in a class.
Will I have to share emotional things in front of strangers?
Sharing is invited but never required. Confidentiality is core to the method. Most participants find that as the weeks go on, they want to share — but the work also moves forward through the homework you do privately.
How is this different from grief therapy?
Therapy is open-ended conversation with a licensed clinician, often without a fixed timeline. The Grief Recovery Method is a structured curriculum with weekly homework, designed to complete in roughly eight weeks. Many people use both and they complement each other well.
What kinds of loss does the method address?
Over 40 types: death, divorce, retirement, pet loss, loss of health, career change, empty nest, loss of trust or faith, estrangement, addiction, loss of a dream, and more. If it feels like a loss, it counts.
Is the method only for people who have been grieving a long time?
No. The method works for recent loss and old loss alike. Many participants come in carrying grief from decades ago that no one ever helped them complete.
How do I start?
Contact Holly with a quick note about what you’re carrying. She’ll share the next class start date and walk you through which program might be the best fit.
Find the program built for your situation
Reading about the method is one thing — finding the right way to do the work is another. On our Programs page, a quick two-question Program Match will point you to the right fit for your situation: group or one-on-one, general grief recovery or pet loss, your own grief or supporting someone else’s. Two questions, then a clear path forward.